Over this time of “rest” or a dip and rut. I have become conscious of the fact that although I love adventure and independence and that freedom that comes along with fluttering I do need and thrive with consistency and structure.
I have been made aware not only in the past few months but every so often that I struggle with decisions. They totally overwhelm me and consume my whole body where if it is a big decision that I feel will be a defining factor in my life, meaning that when looking at my life there will be a time before and after this decision. I become totally wrapped in this mode of having to decide and the weight of it lays on me both physically and emotionally. I physically shake, lose concentration, my palms sweat and I become super panicky. In other words anxiety hits.
To those of you who may be like my sister and find decision making just like water off a duck's back (in other words, no problem at all).
I believe I have a serious problem with decisions and due to holding onto the past and kinda being afraid of the future. I am definitely not someone who doesn't have regrets, sadly. I spent a lot of time thinking about the past and thinking about the decisions I made and feel like I made the wrong decision as I am now paying the consequences for it still to this day. And with that I am afraid to make the wrong one now, as I know it will be the path im on for the future. I know we do learn things from our past but I have anxiety about it. Stress!
I recently did a personality test and it came up with INFP being my “identity”. I scored a 80% on emotions being they way I make decisions which may be half of my problem. I think and care and worry too much about how others may think or feel or react to me and how I am towards them. When In a career, a lot of the time companies are quite blunt and don't really care what each individual thinks or how they work.
In the end I usually get overwhelmed and I call my mom, dad and sister for reassurance that I am making the “right” decision” and what to say or how to word things. Usually somewhere along the line they say.. Just do what feels right or what you feel in your hut. But I really do have a million thoughts going through my mind and I find it hard to control them and narrow down.. What I REALLY do actually want cause half the time I don't even know. Or its the push and pull of what I should probably do or the realistic opinion and what the lust or fun part of me wants to do.
All in all I haven't found an ideal way to work through this. To work through my decisions to narrow down and organised my thoughts in a way that will give me a clear vision on what to do.
I hope someone else out there has been through the same thing, and can in some whay give me some help as to how to improve and not be overwhelmed by decisions, not just in my every day life but be able to navigate big defining decisions in my life as I know decisions are a huge part of life and they will keep coming up and i will keep being consumed by them until I find a method to work through them… Tell me your methods... - Kirsty